Thursday, August 16, 2018

I’d Love To Read About: Useless Mythical Creatures




Have you ever learned a strange fact or seen an unusual thing and thought, I wish there were more books about that? It happens to me all the time. Authors, if you’re listening, here are five unusual critters that I wish somebody would write about. (Or take inspiration from. I’m not picky!)





We’ve all heard about the awesome mythical creatures. You know, the unicorns, dragons, bigfoots, and vampires. But what about the useless mythical creatures? The ones that look stupid and don’t have any badass talents. Those critters need love, too. Here are five mythical creatures that I think deserve more page time in books.




Useless Mythical Creatures






Wolpertinger


Art source & more info.


This creature is similar to the jackalope in the western US, but Germany kicks their jackalopes up a few notches. The wolpertinger isn’t just a rabbit with antlers. It’s a rabbit with antlers, wings, and fangs. How freakishly adorable! The wolpertinger doesn’t seem to do much. It just hangs out in the forest and fails to look menacing. If you want a wolpertinger of your very own, you have to convince a woman to walk naked through the woods during a full moon. When wolpertingers see boobs, they fall into comas. Then you can collect them like firewood.












Rat King


Art source & more info.



I debated putting this one on the list because rat kings actually exist. They’re just a bunch of normal rats glued together. If rats live in close quarters, and something sticky (like tree sap) gets on their tails, the tails will stick together. In real life, rat kings are much rarer than they are in legends.

According to old European stories, rat kings were an omen of death. I guess that makes sense. A rat king is basically a big ball of sticky, squeaky plague. Still, I can’t imagine that they can move very quickly. If you come across one, meander slowly in the opposite direction. You’ll be fine.












Akaname


Art source & more info.


The Japanese akaname looks like a cross between a human child and a frog. In the middle of the night, it breaks into your house and licks the grime out of your bathtub. When the bathtub scum is gone, it leaves. I guess that’s not too bad. Most people don’t break into your house to lick your bathroom clean. At least the akaname is only after your bathroom scum and not your money and electronics like other burglars.












Kasa-obake


Art source & more info.


Let’s stick with Japan for another minute because they seem to have the weirdest mythical creatures. The kasa-obake is another adorable monster. It’s a hundred-year-old umbrella that’s being possessed by a ghost. If I was a ghost, I’d probably find something scarier than an umbrella to haunt, but whatever. You do you, ghosts. Kasa-obakes usually have one eye and a long tongue. Some have arms and a leg or two. Like the other creatures on this list, it doesn’t really do anything. It just . . . is. 












Bonnacon


Art source & more info.


The bonnacon looks like a bull, but it’s no ordinary bull. That would be boring. Unlike regular bulls, its horns are useless for self-defense, so it has a unique way of protecting itself. Its butt is an acid cannon! As the bonnacon runs away from its attackers, it shoots a huge stream of acid poop behind it, burning its pursuers alive. According to Middle Age legends, the dung could set fire to anything it touched. If you’re ever in Europe or Asia, and you come across a bonnacon, please leave it alone. Becoming a flaming crap torch is a stupid way to die.







What mythical creature do you wish showed up in literature more often?













51 comments:

  1. This post made me laugh out loud! Thank you for these "I'd love to read about" posts, they make my day!

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  2. Awesome post! I LOVE Japanese mythological creatures. They are soooo weird!

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  3. *giggles* I'm officially amused and horrified in equal measures by wolpertinger! Last night I was doing my back in cleaning the bathroom so an akaname would have been really useful! Oh I love these! I want to see these creatures in horror books! Flaming crap torch ! LMAO!

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    1. The wolpertinger is so weird. It looks like someone got creative with glue and dead animals.

      Aj @ Read All The Things!

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  4. These are so weird. I mean I wouldn't mind a mythical creature that cleaned my bathroom though. Sounds good to me!!!

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    1. Coming home to a creature cleaning the house would be kind of awesome. As long as I didn’t have to feed the creature. Or take care of it. I have enough needy creatures in my house.

      Aj @ Read All The Things!

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  5. Where can I get in touch with an akaname? It’d save me some money on maid service. I could have lived without knowing about the freaking glued together rats. That’s the stuff of nightmares. A ghostly-possessed umbrella? That is so... random. Wow.
    And I low-key want a wolpertinger of my own.

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    1. Yeah, the glued-together rats are pretty disgusting. I wouldn’t want that in my house!

      Aj @ Read All The Things!

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  6. I can't unsee any of this. I am most intrigued by the Kasa-okabe, but I want a wolpertinger!

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    1. Haha, sorry about the stuff you can’t unsee. You should have seen some of the stuff I came across while researching this post.

      Aj @ Read All The Things!

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  7. Now these are some crazy creatures that I did not know existed. The rat king is... concerning, largely because they are real, but it would certainly be something to see. I would also like to get in touch with an akaname. Japan definitely has some of the craziest mythological stuff and I just love it. This post was fantastic, thank you for introducing these crazy things into my life!

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    1. I didn’t know that rat kings were real until I Googled them for this post. I was horrified, too.

      Aj @ Read All The Things!

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  8. I am horrified by the rat king - I HATE mice and rats!

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    1. Yeah, the only thing worse than one rat is a bunch of glued-together rats.

      Aj @ Read All The Things!

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  9. That's the first I've heard of bonnacon. Got me here wondering if you made it up, lol! I'll go google it.

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    1. Haha, it does sound like something I’d make up. I can’t claim responsibility for that one, though. Someone else made it up.

      Aj @ Read All The Things!

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  10. You never cease to amaze me with the things you discover and share. I am not well versed in creatures, and got a read education today. So, thank you.

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    1. Thanks! I’m glad you learned something. Even if it’s something pointless. :)

      Aj @ Read All The Things!

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  11. Omg those poor rats! And the Jackalope's cousin looks... interesting. I wonder if he can actually fly. And honestly, why am I not surprised that there were fart jokes in drawings in the middle ages?

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  12. I am dying, where do you come up with this stuff!? Okay- I actually read a novella called The King of Rats, I mean- it WAS about rats. Idk if these rats were rat kings, but yeah. That is creepy regardless. Like as if one rat is not horrifying enough, let us get a bunch who are glued the hell together, sure. I need an akaname STAT. Please and thank you. Also the wolpertinger... either looks like someone got carried away with a hot glue gun, or it had an inter-species parasitic head twin. (Incidentally, please use parasitic head twins in a future post of this nature- they're morbidly fascinating. You're welcome.) The wolpertinger is so stupid, I love it extra! You win the internet yet agaiN!

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    1. Thanks for making me Google parasitic head twins. I just saw a two-headed rat. And a two-headed cow. And a two-headed people.

      Aj @ Read All The Things!

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  13. You know, it's those fangs that make the wolpertinger kinda scary looking. I thought it was cute, then I saw those. Um, no. And rat kings? I actually... had no idea those were real. Eww. Reminds me of the Rat Cook story from A Song of Ice and Fire (for no real reason, but it came to mind).

    The akaname sounds vaguely useful? Still, more ewww.

    Japan... hmm.

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    1. Yeah, what is going on with Japanese creatures? Japan has all the weird ones. I also didn’t know that rat kings were real until I Googled them for this post.

      Aj @ Read All The Things!

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  14. I could actually use an Akaname, I hate cleaning the bathroom. I've heard of rat kings before and they freak me out completely even though I'm not afraid of rats. The bonnacon is hilarious, never heard of that before! I would love to have a wolpertinger as a pet.

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    1. I’m not afraid of rats, either, but there’s something about a bunch of glued-together rats that is very off-putting.

      Aj @ Read All The Things!

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  15. I loved this post - and Japan does have a lot of weird monsters, but also useful? I mean, I could totally use one of those Akaname!

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    1. I probably could have made this whole post about weird Japanese creatures. They have so many of them!

      Aj @ Read All The Things!

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  16. These are all so cool! I'm going to have to learn about them some more. :D

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  17. Imagine walking in on a Akaname. Sorry that is cracking me up more than it probably should haha. Great post.

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    1. That would be awkward. You walk into the bathroom and find someone licking the tub . . .

      Aj @ Read All The Things!

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  18. Well these are just fantastic! This post had me rolling, I need more of these in my books too!

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    1. I’m hoping that I inspired an author so that we can read about these things.

      Aj @ Read All The Things!

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  19. Haha, I love this post! The Wolpertinger is just so wonderfully weird, and it's name is fun to say!
    The Rat King thing sounds so gross, but would definitely make a creepy monster for a novel (especially with it being an omen of death). I just hope I never see one in real life! One rat alone would have me running and screaming, so several stuck together... eww! At least it would probably slow it down! :)

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    1. Yeah, glued-together rats is something that I never need to see in real life.

      Aj @ Read All The Things!

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  20. I love this post! wolpertingers sound so cool! I was reminded of Ursula Vernon's Jackalope stories, I wonder what if wolpertingers also shape-shifted? :-D and I love manga/anime like Natsume's book of friends that show so many strange Japanese creatures.
    As for a mythical creature I wish showed up more is the Cait Sith or The King of Cats. I came across this in Aria manga and also saw a couple of variations in Studio Ghibli movies. They would also make a perfect rival for The Rat King!

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    1. Ooh, I’ll have to look up the Japanese mythical creature book. Japan has a lot of weird critters. I agree about the Cat Sith. A soul-stealing cat would be awesome to read about.

      Aj @ Read All The Things!

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  21. These are just plain WEIRD! But I do want an akaname of my very own. Who couldn't use cleaner bathrooms?

    Nicole @ Feed Your Fiction Addiction

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    1. The akaname is my favorite. They can lick my bathtub any time. :)

      Aj @ Read All The Things!

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  22. Oh wow. This post. Lol. Japan really does have the strangest mythical creatures! I can't remember what it's called, but there's also one that basically has a bowl of water in its head and really like cucumbers. Idk why I like that one so much. Maybe because I also really like cucumbers, so I feel a kinship. But hell, where can I get me an akaname? I'll even leave my door unlocked if it's going to come clean for me, haha.

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    1. I need to Google that cucumber creature. It sounds like my kind of critter.

      Aj @ Read All The Things!

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  23. This is hilarious! Especially the last one. That IS a dumb way to die. XD

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  24. The human imagination is a weird and wonderful place! Your descriptions of these critters made me laugh, and wonder who on earth first came up with them—and why. I especially like the wolpertinger; it's like the mythic-animal version of a German compound noun (just keep adding words on.) Plus it looks ridiculous and a little scary at the same time.

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  25. oh my I was seriously disturbed when I saw the Wolpertinger and then.. BAM! I slammed into THAT THING. How can something like the rat king exist. OMG I'm gonna have nightmares about that tonight LOL great Post AJ!

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  26. Hahaha this is amazing! It's true, weird mythological creatures don't get enough love in fiction. Japanese mythology is so bizarre but so great.

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  27. This is a great post. I was laughing by the last two.

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  28. Oh my god, I absolutely adore this post. I especially love the possessed umbrella, and where can I hire one of these creatures to clean my bathroom for me?

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  29. Did you know that the Kasa-obake is a Hentai porn star? I used to use umbrella images as avatars on the Harry Potter social site I was a member of, and I innocently used one of an Kasa-obake and couldn't figure out why people thought it was so funny. πŸ˜‚

    I need an Akaname to live in the shadows of my bathroom. Ha! πŸ‘ΎπŸ›

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