Tuesday, March 2, 2021

Top Ten Tuesday: Jobs I’d Have If I Were Fictional


Have you ever come across a fascinating job in a novel and thought, Is that job real? Am I too old for a drastic career change? That’s what we’re talking about today! I wish I was a fictional character so I could have these awesome “jobs.” We should probably put “jobs” in quotes because some of these activities are seriously stretching the definition of that word. A few of my “jobs” are actually far-fetched schemes to avoid work. So . . . they’re the opposite of jobs. Whatever. This is my stupid fantasy career list. Don’t overthink it.







The Cupcake Baker’s Girlfriend


I’m not a good baker, and I’m too lazy to run a business, but I’m excellent at eating cupcakes. That’s why I should be a cupcake baker’s girlfriend. Baker Boyfriend would do all the hard work. I’d hang around the bakery and eat the leftovers. It’s a perfect arrangement! We’d live happily ever after (until my heart explodes from all the sugar).







A Person Who Rides Dragons For Some Reason

Riding a dragon looks fun. And cold. And windy. And dangerous. But, I’d ignore the risk of plunging to my frozen death if I had a chance to ride a dragon. In most books, dragon riders are soldiers who use their dragons in battle. That’s not going to happen with me. Wars are loud and messy. I’m too fluffy for the soldier life. I’d rather just be a posh lady who has a stable of dragons to pull her around in fancy gold sky carriages. I could give people rides in my carriage. I’d be a luxury dragon Uber driver. That’s a solid business idea right there. Well, until the dragons start roasting and eating my customers . . . .







Grouchy Innkeeper . . . In Space!

I can tell you from experience that working with the public sucks. You have to smile while they abuse you. They have boring demands. Customer service jobs might be less tedious if your customers were space aliens. I’d run the only hotel on the untamed frontier of a distant planet. My guests would come from all over the universe. If they were rude to me, I’d tell them to get lost. I own the only hotel! They can either stay with me or sleep outside with the blood-sucking space bugs. It would be glorious.







Intimidating But Benevolent Headmistress Of A Magical Boarding School

I want to live my Professor McGonagall dream. She’s an icon! Just like her, I’d be a quick-witted badass who could confidently handle the shenanigans of magical children.







The Ghost Who Haunts A French Château

I’ve been watching too much Escape To The Château. It’s a good show, if you like castles and home renovation. It’s on HGTV in the US. Basically, I want to marry Dick Strawbridge from that show. That’s my plan. It doesn’t matter that he’s already married. He’s the perfect husband! He has money; likes to cook; and builds whatever his wife wants, even if her design involves an uncomfortable number of taxidermy ducks. Dick can do all the castle renovations. I’ll put on a fancy dress and creep around the 400-year-old château like a tragic Countess who died from consumption in 1812. Every château needs a ghost. I’m very good at creeping.







The Psychic Crone Who Makes “Chosen One” Prophecies In Fantasy Books

“Chosen One” plotlines are out of style right now, so maybe it’s a bad idea to be a psychic crone in this economy. Whatever. Bad ideas have never stopped me before. I want to choose the next character to save the world. Then I’ll sit back and smugly watch my prophecy come true. I’ll have a lot of time for sitting because the crone usually disappears from the narrative after she makes her prophecy. No one wants to read about a crone! I’ll just cause some chaos and then stroll away.







A Girl Who’s Naturally Skinny

Okay, this isn’t a job. I can’t even think of a clever way to pretend it’s a job. I just need an excuse to complain about something. I read a lot of books where the female characters say, “I’m sooo skinny. I eat 10 cakes a day and never grow any curves!” Um . . . HOW ARE THESE FICTIONAL LADIES LIVING MY DREAM? I eat one cheesy breadstick, and my butt grows three sizes. It’s not fair. That’s my complaint. My butt doesn’t know how to be skinny. I wish it would learn.







A Reclusive Billionaire With A Private Tropical Island

I want to be Christian Grey from 50 Shades Of Grey, but without the potentially deadly sex hobbies. Dangerous sex-capades are forbidden on my island. I’m not calling the Coast Guard because you stuck your private parts where they don’t belong. I’m not interested in casual hookups, but I want all the other perks of Christian Grey’s life. Fancy houses and luxury vacations and helicopters on demand. That would be awesome. How did I earn my billions? No one knows because I never do anything resembling work!







The Character Who Gets All The Witty Dialogue

I’m going to be unselfish with this one and create a job for someone else. I want to hire a writer to script all my conversations and actions. Every single one of them. I want to charm strangers. I want to know the perfect thing to say in every situation. I want to be graceful. I want to be witty and intelligent. I don’t know what that’s like!







Masquerade Ball Party Planner

If you’ve read fantasy or historical fiction books, then you know that masquerade balls never go out of style. They’ve been popular since . . . since humans invented masks, I guess. Talk about job security! There’s always a masquerade happening. I can understand why. Who wouldn’t want to waltz in the dark with mysterious strangers? (Well, I wouldn’t, but I guess people enjoy this kind of thing? People are weird.)







Which fictional job do you want?


  1. Riding dragons sounds fun!

    My post: https://lydiaschoch.com/top-ten-tuesday-characters-whose-job-i-wish-i-had/

  2. Wha ha ha!! This was brilliant AJ! I loved it! Especially the ghost. I think it can be a lot of fun to be a ghost. But when and how do you retire?

    Great post!

    Ten jobs Elza would love to have

  3. Great post that provided a lot of chuckles. That "50 Shades" meme is right on. I don't know what fictional job I'd want as there are too many non-fictional manual labor types I wouldn't mind trying (train engineer, lineman, ski patrol, distillery tester...)



  4. This list made me laugh, love your take on the topic this week. I will absolutely sign up to be cupcake baker's girlfriend!
    My TTT: https://jjbookblog.wordpress.com/2021/03/02/top-ten-tuesday-305/

  5. What a fun post, definitely made me laugh. I'd love to be the character with the witty dialogue!

    Anika | chaptersofmay.com

  6. LOL! Love all the fun you had with this one!! It would be nice if we could combine some...like the cupcake baker's girlfriend and naturally skinny!

  7. This is the most perfect list of the day, hands down ;) I laughed so much and I definitely agree with all of these! It'd even be perfect to combine these! Like, I wouldn't mind working three jobs if I could be a billionaire dragon-rider cupcake baker's girlfriend...

  8. These are all hilarious and I would love any of them but my favorite from your list has to be the Crone. I would love to just pop up, add drama and then roll back to my hidden cave by the beach.

  9. Bwahahahahahahaha I am rolling in laughter here! Well done AJ!

  10. This is fantastic! I see quite a few "dream jobs" I would want on your list. I would love to be the cupcake baker's girlfriend as long as it comes with cupcake eating.

  11. I'd also like to be a billionaire - also have no idea how I'd get there, but that's ok!

  12. I hated dealing with rude passengers when I worked at the airport. Customer services suck! A whole 24 hours to verbally abuse them and throw passports at them would be wonderful! A teacher at a school of magic would be good as I could do spells on the little sods if they step out of line...

  13. This is so funny! And quite the bit relatable as well. From your list, I'd pick: A GIRL WHO’S NATURALLY SKINNY!!

    YES. PLEASE. I'll have to run in the next couple of days....

  14. This is an amazing list, haha. I love that being the girlfriend of someone with a great job is on here lol. combine that one with being skinny, and you're set for life!

  15. Your list has me laughing. Thank you.

  16. This is hilarious! I especially love the idea of a luxury dragon Uber driver. This sounds very doable.

    Nicole @ Feed Your Fiction Addiction

  17. There are all most excellent jobs. Today I would like to volunteer to be the romantic partner of a cupcake baker, please - and keep 'em coming. ;)