Tuesday, October 29, 2019

Top Ten Tuesday: How I’d Die In A Love Story

This week, I’m going to blend two of the scariest things I can think of: Death and romance novels. If I was a character in a romance story, here’s how I would die.

How I’d Die In A Love Story

1. In A Fairytale . . .

I get myself into trouble, and my prince has to rescue me. Ladies in fairytales are always getting themselves into mortal peril. Unfortunately, fairytales underestimate the magnitude of the problems I can cause. Even the most competent lover can’t save this damsel in distress. My prince ends up in the jail cell next to me.

2. In A Hallmark Channel Romance . . .

Lover and I have an argument right before he goes on an overseas business trip. Shortly after he leaves for the airport, I start feeling bad about the argument. Since this is a love story (and cell phones mysteriously don’t exist), I have to race to the airport and profess my eternal love for him before he gets on that plane. Here’s the thing: I’m not a good runner. I don’t “race” anywhere. To catch my lover, I hijack an airport golf cart. Airport security shoots me with a Taser and zaps me to death. This is America, after all. Even in a love story, you can’t hijack airport stuff.

3. In an enemies-to-lovers romance . . .

We’ve all read enemies-to-lovers stories, right? The main characters start off as rivals, but then they see the good in each other and fall in love. Well, life goes the opposite direction for me and my should-be lover. We start out as enemies and we become . . . super enemies. Like Victor and Eli in Vicious, we dedicate our lives to destroying each other.

4. In a romance with all the feels . . .

If you’ve been on this blog before, then you might know that I’m basically a robot. I don’t have emotions. Falling in love might make me feel something. What would I do with an emotion? I don’t know! My body would self-destruct!

5. In A Mythical Romance . . .

Cupid is a weird dude, right? He flutters around naked while clutching a deadly weapon. I want no part of that! If I encountered Cupid, I’d run in the opposite direction. I’d be sure to run in a zig-zag because Game of Thrones taught us that if you have to run from an archer, don’t run in a straight line! Remember how I said I’m not a good runner? My sloppy zig-zagging would just cause Cupid’s arrow to hit me somewhere vital.

6. In a historical romance . . .

Back in the historical days, women swooned when they saw attractive gentlemen (or blood, or mice. Women just swooned all over the place.) Knowing my luck, I’d catch a glimpse of my sexy lover, swoon, and fall off a mountain. Swooning isn’t a practical thing to do when one lives at high altitude!

They both look thrilled about this situation . . .

7. In a romance with an OTP . . .

I only have one true love: Nachos. I love nachos. Me and nachos are the OTP. Unfortunately, Tex-Mex food isn’t very good at loving humans. It tends to kill us with cholesterol.

8. In A Romantic Comedy . . .

The boss sends me and my sexy single coworker on a business trip to a distant city. But, there’s a problem with our hotel room. There are two of us and only one bed! In a romantic comedy, this situation would become a cute, awkward moment. In my real life, it would become the first annual Bed Hunger Games. The winner gets to sleep in the bed. The loser gets buried in the park at midnight.

9. In an edgy romance . . .

Plot twist! I’m pregnant! My lover promises to marry me and be a good parent to our offspring, but when an alien baby bursts out of my chest, he starts to question if he’s the father. Somebody call the Maury Povich Show. We’re going to need a DNA test.

10. In a romance with a brooding hero . . .

I’d die on page 1 because I’m the hero’s first girlfriend. He needs an excuse to spend approximately 1/3 of the book brooding sexily. My death is that excuse! The hero’s sensual moping attracts a woman who’s hotter and spunkier than me. For some reason, women in romances love mopey guys. The hero and my replacement fall in love, but he never stops brooding. How sweet!

How would you die in a love story?

Are you amused by my deaths? (You sicko.) Check out how I’d die in a horror story and a fantasy story.


  1. So these are the best ever. I love the Tex Mex and I wish I could count the times my husband and I were watching TV and he started telling me you need to zig-zag when running from a shooter.

  2. OMG, I love this post. You are so creative.

    My TTT.

  3. Swooning at altitude is certainly bad for you! And nobody can brood as well as Jon Snow!

  4. Hahahaha oh wow I adore this! The idea of the only one bed trope leading to a Hunger Games-style scenario is hilarious, and that last one is savage. I love it.

  5. I’m still trying to catch my breath from laughing so hard at you dying of nachos. Bahaha!!!

  6. Hah! These are fantastic. I would die in a lot of these scenarios too I'm sure. ;)


  7. John Snow made me laugh. Very creative idea. https://pmprescott.blogspot.com/

  8. I loved these! I especially liked how you included the photo of the Game of Thrones books in the romance section. I'm not sure they stick to the HEA trope we expect in romance (although I have to admit, since the last two books haven't been published yet, I don't know if there actually is a surprise HEA waiting in there).

  9. As a lover of the HEA, I found this post absolutely stupendous! So funny and you found the most perfect pictures for each scenario. *applause, applause* I always wondered why the prince couldn't recognize Cinderella. I mean, did she look that different out of the dress? And, I cannot stop singing - nacho, nacho man...

  10. Love these, I'm sure there's a film where someone swoons in a corset and falls off a wall into the sea? What IS that?? It's going to drive me mad. Poor Rickon. No way he would've survived, even with the zig-zagging. He was dead from the minute he decided to be the most disposable Stark.

  11. You are too hilarious! I laughed out loud at the romantic comedy one!

  12. This was awesome, I loved your take on it. I'm not that creative haha . BTW your post reminded me of one of my favourite True Crime Podcasts. If you haven't checked it out , do so - My Favorite Murder ( they also have written a book called Stay Sexy and Don't Get Murdered) Thanks for stopping by The Phantom Paragrapher

  13. Ha!

    I'm guessing I would also die of too many feels. I try not to feel too much lol

    But...I would love to die in a Hallmark Christmas movie! Like maybe get tangled in all the lights and choke to death - or get impaled and left for dead in a Christmas tree lot - discovered by my former meet cute in the morning.

    Karen @ For What It's worth

  14. OH. MY. GOD. YOU WIN THE TTT THIS WEEK FOR SURE!!!!! I am freaking dead - this is brilliant!

  15. I would seriously read that romantic comedy!

  16. I LOVE your take on this TTT! #7 is my favorite; if nachos were my last meal, I'd be 100% OK with that, lol!

  17. This is such a fun idea! I think I'd probably die in the same ways you would šŸ˜…

  18. *dies laughing* AJ, you win at all memes forever for this gem! *wipes tears from eyes*

  19. 'He flutters around naked while clutching a deadly weapon.'

    My brain: That's what *she* said

    Me: Brain, really. *Really?!*

    FYI, Cupid's pre-cursor, Eros, does a lot less fluttering around, and a lot more of the sexy-times in the dark. #JustSaying.

  20. This might be my fave take ever for this TTT. Love it!!

  21. I absolutely love this - it’s such a creative take on this weeks theme and I had so much fun reading it! šŸ’›

  22. Bed Hunger Games? Bwahahahahaha you cracked me up AJ!

  23. These are great, AJ! If only one could have a romance with nachos...

  24. Omg AJ I am DYING over here! Like water shooting out of my nose hahahha. Tbh I think my romance with nachos may kill me too? I'd be pretty into the Bed Hunger Games, too. I need space to sleep, get out, STRANGER!

  25. You crack me up, AJ! I don't know how I missed this when you first posted it, but I was obviously missing out on a lot of laughter!!

    Nicole @ Feed Your Fiction Addiction

  26. Of course there can't be a cell phone in a romcom; it has to come in person or else our (maybe?) ex wouldn't take us back. :D (I run commentary on some of these movies, and like to say to the TV/character, "...um... Of course, he'll/she'll take you back - you're in a romcom!") Thanks so much for the visit to Finding Wonderland.

  27. šŸ˜‚ <- That's pretty much all I have to say.
    Oh! That and I LOVE the cinderella meme.

  28. Hahahaha! I never thought about the Cinderella thing. At least in the Drew Barrymore movie it was a masked ball, but still... hair and height would narrow it down a lot. šŸ˜„

    I love these. You should always do these comical spins on TTT posts. ☺

  29. That airport security picture had me laughing so hard I'm afraid I woke up my children *hides face*. Best. Find. EVER! And I love the Maury Povich Show one, LOL! I completely forgot about him, I love all of your ideas, they're absolutely perfect!
    Jen @ Star-Crossed Book Blog