Tuesday, March 5, 2019

Top Ten Tuesday: How I’d Die In A Fantasy Story


This week’s Top Ten Tuesday topic is characters I’d like to switch places with. Um . . . small problem. Most of the books I read are harrowing. I am not cut out for "harrowing!" I wouldn’t want to switch places with the characters because I’d die immediately. So, that’s what I’m talking about today. If I switched places with a fantasy character, here’s how I’d die.








How I’d Die In A Fantasy Story







1. In a fantasy kingdom . . .





I’d be beheaded after retweeting a hilarious meme about the spoiled, incompetent boy-king. I’ve never been good at keeping my political opinions to myself.













2. In faux Medieval Europe . . .





I wouldn’t survive the first chapter. Do you know how many deadly diseases were scampering around faux Europe a thousand years ago? ALL of the diseases. I’d walk home in the rain one day, then swoon in the arms of my lover and never wake up. Hopefully I’d look dramatically elegant as I died. Luckily, I have an excessive number of sisters, so my lover could easily find a replacement-me and keep the plot moving.












3. If a mentor character showed up at my door . . .





I’d be a reluctant hero. I’d be so reluctant that I probably wouldn’t even answer the door. Why can’t mentors ever text first? The mentor would have to break into my house. Then the villain would take over the world while I’m arguing with the mentor about whether I’m allowed to wear comfy pants on our quest. I am NOT putting on work pants for this nonsense!












4. If I owned a powerful magical Thing . . .





I’d lose The Thing. Then a situation would pop up where I desperately needed The Thing. Then I’d be murdered because I didn’t have The Thing. If anyone is looking for The Thing after my death, it’s probably on my desk, under the junk mail. That’s where all lost objects seem to end up, magical or otherwise.












5. In a battle . . .





The villain would knock me down and point his sword at my chest. All hope is lost! It looks like I’m going to die. I’m glancing around because I’ve read enough fantasy stories to know that the heroine’s friends always show up at the last possible minute to save her.

My friends don’t show up. They know I’m more trouble than I’m worth. It’s best to get me out of the way early in the story.












6. In a world with an ancient curse . . .





I’d be the one who accidentally wakes up the curse. Yep, I’d blunder into the sacred tomb, smash the forbidden object, be tricked into freeing the villain’s followers from prison. It’s all an accident, I swear! I’m just clumsy and not very bright.












7. In a world where the species are homogeneous . . .





Can you imagine a world where a whole species looks and acts exactly like me? We’d rove across the mountains in vast herds, raiding your cupboards and pawing through your bookshelves. Luckily, we’re easy to kill. Just toss a nacho platter off a cliff. We’ll all go stampeding after it.












8. If I went on a quest . . .





I’d get lost. Very, very lost. And probably distracted. You’d find me eating nachos in a bar. Or petting random dogs in a nearby park. Or at the bookstore. Actually, before you send me on a quest, look up the rout on Google Maps and make sure there aren’t any bookstores along the way. If there are bookstores, I’ll never reach my destination. I will buy many books, though.












9. In every fantasy story . . .





My name would be Fäbéåmø’löcvn’lñnbí’z. I’d get murdered by the reader because no one enjoys long, unpronounceable, keyboard-smash names!












10. If I’m the “chosen one,” the only person who can save the world . . .





Make peace with the deity of your choice. We’re all doomed.
















How would you die in a fantasy story?







61 comments:

  1. What a creative post. Great job.

    My Top Ten Tuesday post.

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  2. Hahaha this is fantastic, great twist on this week's topic!

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  3. I love this and it's just the post I needed this morning. I can agree that I'd probably wake up some dumb stupid curse as well and of course you know I'd stop to pet all of the dogs.

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  4. Haha!! Love how you changed the topic this week!

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  5. This was hilarious! Love your take on this topic! The lack of hot running water and proper plumbing would take me out in most worlds.

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  6. Lol. Thanks you for that much needed laugh today. I've often said that if a catastrophe were ever to occur that I hope it takes me out. I'm not cut out to be a savior or survivor.

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    1. Yeah, I’d probably be one of the first to die in a catastrophe. I’m not cut out for all that survival stuff.

      Aj @ Read All The Things!

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  7. This was so funny! I would probably die in all these ways and more, or at least get frustrated by the lack of WiFi in fantasy worlds and want to come home!
    My TTT: https://jjbookblog.wordpress.com/2019/03/05/top-ten-tuesday-201/

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  8. This is absolutely AMAZING. Best TTT of 2019, by far. Brilliant, AJ. Just bloody brilliant.

    How would I die? Definely fighting the OP boss I think I am completely capable of defeating, you know, once my latent magical powers kick in. As they always do at the last minute. Don't they? ...Dead.

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    1. Haha, I forgot that magic powers don’t kick in until the boss is about to kill you. With my luck, my powers would never show up.

      Aj @ Read All The Things!

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  9. This was hilarious! Loved it so much! Glad you were not intimidated by topic and did it with such creativity.

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  10. This is quite a fun list. I think I would be the one to wake a curse too, because I have no sort of luck.

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    1. Yeah, curiosity and unluckiness don’t mix. It’s best for me to stay away from anyplace that has an ancient curse!

      Aj @ Read All The Things!

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  11. Haha, I could never be a "chosen one" either! Totally agree with the faux Medieval Europe one - lifespans were short back then!

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    1. I don’t think I would have made it to my current age in faux Medieval Europe. Everything kills those people!

      Aj @ Read All The Things!

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  12. Hahaha! I love your change to today's topic! I'd probably end up doing the same in the ancient curse world.

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    1. If the curse didn’t kill me, the angry people in the cursed town would!

      Aj @ Read All The Things!

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  13. Harrowing is definitely not good. And I so agree with the name one. Some fantasy names are ridiculous! Okay I get that Tolkien invented a language or whatever- dude was a linguist after all or something like that?- but not EVERYONE needs to do it. Or try to do it I should say. Ugh. Ditto for medieval times. No antibiotics= no go. And nachos. Seriously who wants to eat some medieval slop when we have all the good food now??

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    1. I couldn’t live in a world without nachos. My life wouldn’t be worth living. I need my cheesy chips!

      Aj @ Read All The Things!

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  14. I'd probably be overconfident and try to confront the bad guy and get killed.

    I like your take on this topic!

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  15. This. Is. Hilarious. I am dying 😂 And relating VERY hard right now because yeah I would absolutely die in most of these ways, especially anything involving nachos, I'll follow your clones right off the cliff without a second thought. If I had to go on the quest, I might not get lost, but I would be SO whiny that all my cohorts would kill me themselves, so.

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    1. Haha, I’d whine on my quest, too, especially if there are mosquitoes. I don’t want to tromp through the forest while getting eaten alive. No quest is worth that!

      Aj @ Read All The Things!

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  16. Haha this is great. I’m pretty sure I’d stab myself with my own sword while doing lightsaber sounds.

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    1. That would be the best way to die in a fantasy world! So awesomely pointless.

      Aj @ Read All The Things!

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  17. I'm just picturing sinister forces coming to your door to try to get The Important Magical Thing and you just going "I mean you can have it if you can find it... it's... somewhere... under all this..."

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    1. Yes, exactly! They can have the magical object, but they have to clean my house to find it.

      Aj @ Read All The Things!

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  18. Hah! Loved this! If I were sent on a quest, especially one through an unfamiliar world (or even state (let's be honest)), I would be hopelessly lost. I'm useless without my cars navigational system, and I freak out when the car doesn't know where we are. I can't remember a time when I didn't have one to rely on.

    Lindsi @ Do You Dog-ear? 💬

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    1. I need my GPS, too. I’m terrible at finding things on my own.

      Aj @ Read All The Things!

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  19. I loved this post! Actually made me laugh out loud.

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  20. LMAO, I wouldn't last a night myself. =) LOL love this. I have to add this to my Sunday Post! I just love it.

    Mary

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  21. Hahhaha this is so greatttt!!! I had the same issue while trying to pick characters!! I like to stay home as much as I can in my pajamas with tea, my pup, and a nice book! I'm basically a Hobbit. This is such a creative twist on this week's prompt!! :D

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    1. Thanks! I’m also a Hobbit. I love food and silence! I’d be terrible at questing.

      Aj @ Read All The Things!

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  22. I didn't even do Top Ten Tuesday this week since I didn't want to trade places with any characters. I'd be asking "What? What'd you say...?" and then I'd get shot. Great way to handle the prompt!

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    1. Haha, they were probably saying, “You’re about to get shot.” :)

      Aj @ Read All The Things!

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  23. Bahahaha! I love how you assume your lover in medieval Europe would just grab one of your sisters and carry on. LOL

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    1. Haha, that does seem to be how it works. If one marriage doesn’t work out, the parents just arrange another one. You gotta keep the plot moving.

      Aj @ Read All The Things!

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  24. Hahahahahahahaha, thank you for this. 😀

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  25. This was the best response I've read to this week's prompt. Great job.

    Here is our Top Ten Tuesday. Thanks for stopping by earlier.

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  26. I love this because that's literally what I was thinking when I saw everyone doing this topic. I don't think I'd want to switch places with most characters I read about cuz they're always in dangerous situations that would get me injured or killed! It's a good thing I'm not a chosen one cuz I'd probably just be like, "... no thanks?" and then the world would end lol. Super cute post!

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  27. Well, this is kind of depressing, but creative and funny. I always thought a lightning bolt (of which I've been close to a few) would be a good way to go--quick and over before you knew it started!

    www.thepulpitandthepen.com

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  28. Ha, I love that our titles are so similar! Fantasy really just has a lot of dangerous settings. Which is great ... when you're the reader. Probably not so much for the characters, I imagine.

    The first one is Joffrey, isn't it? You can say it. xD I don't even read/watch GoT, and I hate Joffrey.

    Oh my gosh, the mentor character thing! xD I'm dying, but it's so trueeee. If this quest requires different pants, count me out.

    I'm pretty sure my ultimate fantasy story death would come in the form of, "Hey, look, there's this super powerful thing, and we need to not touch the thing because ... Wait, Sammie, what are you doi—"

    I have a very short attention span, and I'm sure I wandered off right after they said very powerful thing. My bad. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

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  29. Haha this is epic 😂 I would probably die while that The Thing is missing 🙈 That work pile though.

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  30. Lol yes! This is awesome, great take on the topic. :D

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  31. Oh my gosh! This is so cool and priceless! You need to submit this as a topic for TTT!

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  32. WOW! Hilarious AJ! I'm probably the name one... my own real name is pretty different!! ;)

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  33. I love your hilarious spin on this week's topic! LOL!

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  34. I think this is a great post, AJ:)). I'd probably fall off my bloody horse and break my neck - they're lovely to look at, but the brains to weight ratio isn't wonderful. You never find any protagonist in an epic fantasy falling off their horse, do you? And yet, by all accounts falling off horses happens quite a lot...

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  35. So funny!! I would die in all the ways. You forgot about casting a spell and having it backfire--I wouldn't last a week in magic school. No villain would need to kill me. I'd take care of it myself.

    Nicole @ Feed Your Fiction Addiction

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  36. This is such a fun twist on this topic, AJ! Love it. I'd die in SO many of these fictional worlds. Makes me wonder if that's another reason why I prefer my contemporary reads. ;)

    Thanks so much for the Finding Wonderland visit last week.

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  37. �� I had so much fun reading this post! I think my absolute favorite was your fantasy name, but honestly I just loved the snark included in each item on this list!

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