Tuesday, April 24, 2018

Top Ten Tuesday: I’m The Best Fantasy Book Author Ever



Top Ten Tuesday is hosted by That Artsy Reader Girl. This week’s topic is overused words in book titles. 

If you’ve been on this blog before, you’ve probably seen me complain about generic fantasy titles. A lot of fantasy authors seem to be drawn to the same words. First, you have your generic “royalty” words: Prince, princess, queen, daughter, castle, court, throne, kingdom, city, assassin, pirate, thief, crown, etc. Then you have your generic “mysterious magic” words: Blood, glass, bone, ruins, dance, raven, crow, mist, forest, dream, smoke, storm, fire, etc.

If you combine a few of those words, you have a bestselling fantasy novel!












While I was shaking my head at all these bookish clones, inspiration struck. I decided that I should become the next great fantasy author! I know how to randomly combine words!

To find the titles of my future bestselling books, I wrote down 40 fantasy words. Then I dumped them in a cup, pulled them out at random, and put them into generic-fantasy-title order. These are the more . . . um . . . interesting titles that I randomly created.




Guys, I’m Gonna Be A Bestselling Author. Here are my amazing books:











A Clash of Cruel Goblets 


A book that doubles as a drinking game? Who wouldn't want to read it? Admittedly, it does sound a little messy. Hopefully the publisher will package it with towels.























A Court of Dragon Assassins


 Are these dragons who assassinate humans, or humans who assassinate dragons? Nobody knows! It could be both. Death for everyone!















A Dance for Starlight Thieves


This book is so poetic that not even the author knows what it’s about. I guess it's kind of like that Simpsons episode where Mr. Burns blocks out the sun. Except, in this book, there's dancing. For some reason.



















A Game of Secrets and Princesses


I’m pretty sure this book is like a low-budget Medieval porno. Who knows what's under all that fluffy princess clothing? It's a secret! So many sexy necks and ankles. And probably some dirt and fleas. People didn't bathe very often in Medieval times.














Children of Lies and Fury


These children are going to need some serious therapy when they grow up. Or they’ll pull a Carrie and kill us all. Either way, it should be entertaining.

















Magician and the Raven Mist


At first I thought it was lazy to name the main character “Magician,” but then I decided that it sounds like a celebrity baby name. It’s not lazy; it’s trend-setting. “Raven Mist” is what happens when you hit a raven with your car at high speed. Also, I think the bird on the cover is a crow. I don’t know. I'm not a bird specialist. It’s probably best not to ask questions.















The Final Glass Ship Prisoners


I don’t know what a glass ship is, but it seems wildly impractical. Does “Final” refer to the ships, or to the prisoners? What happened to the rest of the ships and/or prisoners? Why would you make more than one glass ship? Isn't one stupid enough? IS THIS ALL A METAPHOR? So many questions. I’m confused and anxious already.















The Halfling Queen’s Smoky Wind


With a title like that, this book could only be about one thing: Magical flatulence. I’m giving a whole new meaning to the phrase “unique magic system.”


















The Halfling Child Bride of Feast Mountain


This is obviously the prequel to The Halfling Queen’s Smoky Wind.



















Throne of Daughters 


Daughters aren’t usually for sitting on. That would be awkward. And uncomfortable. But, thrones have to be made of something. Why not daughters?















You’d preorder my books, right? I’m going to be so rich . . .










48 comments:

  1. I loved your thoughts about these words! Funny but so right!

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  2. Yep! Those seem to be the popular words in fantasy novels. You'd think that "bones" would be more popular on mystery novels.

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  3. Love it! So creative and you definitely have the formula down!

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  4. LOL, great list! You're so right, though, that a lot of times fantasy book titles just seem a random mashup of words. Sometimes I don't even know how they relate to the book, and I just get them all confused because they all sound the same. I think "A Game of Secrets and Princesses" is something I'd read!

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  5. I agree, money should start pouring in. This is the best take I've seen this week on the topic. Personally I HAVE to have Throne of Daughters and A Court of Dragon Assassins. Definitely want dragons killing people!

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  6. Some funny titles. Children of Lies and Fury seems like it could be a real one.
    I'm disappointed that you're not actually writing a book though.

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  7. Oh my god, I love these so much. You absolutely have the formula down. You can bet I would want to read Children of Lies and Fury and I need to know more about dragon assassins. You've got me hooked. Fantastic post!

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  8. I love the turn this Top Ten Tuesday took! I cannot stop laughing - this is genius and if you ever publish any of the books I AM SSO READING THEM! A Court of Dragon Assassins is definitely on my TBR!

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  9. Omg, lololol. I totally laughed out loud reading these! I am getting to the point where all the "(BLANK) of (BLANK) and (BLANK)" books all sound the same and I have no idea which is which!

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  10. 10/10 would read a book about dragon assassins. Publishers ought to be beating a path to your site, looking for new book ideas!

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  11. I LOVE it when you do these types of TTT posts! I will buy all your books, AJ. They sound spectacular!

    Nicole @ Feed Your Fiction Addiction

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  12. Ha ha love what you did with this list!
    My TTT: https://jjbookblog.wordpress.com/2018/04/24/top-ten-tuesday-156/

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  13. This is fun! Love some of these titles... and I legit would BUY some of them?? A Dance for Starlight Thieves- I mean you gotta wonder what's going on THERE. :) And Children of Lies and Fury sounds awesome too. And bonus points for putting this together before Buzzfeed or epic Reads though of it...

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  14. This is hilarious! Though I am kinda sad because they actually seem pretty legit but they are just a joke! XD I really like how you even made covers for them and made this topic your own. It's really creative and funny I love it! :P

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  15. I am crowing you winner and champion at TTT. But seriously, there are certain words that seem to crop up a lot when you look at fantasy titles. Thank you for this amusing post. It put a huge smile on my face.

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  16. Ha!! I love it-terrific post AJ!! Oh the stories you'd tell...LOL Awesome post!!

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  17. This is brilliant! Any of the titles you put together could easily be actual titles of fantasy novels and I have to confess, I'd probably read them all so maybe you are the next great best-selling fantasy author, haha!

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  18. Oh my gosh!! I love this post SO much!! I laughed out loud! You are brilliant and I would totally order your books πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚

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  19. I was dying and now I am dead, this is the best post ever, you are really killing these TTTs!! I'm half cracking up, half hoping you can actually make a couple of these a thing. Like Children of Lies and Fury, I am here for that. We'll leave the flatulence book to someone else, perhaps. I seriously wonder though if this is how whoever titles books actually does it because... seriously, where do they come up with some of this nonsense!? Also, things seem to be not going great for The Final Glass Ship Prisoners- Final anything sounds ominous!! LOVE this post!!

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  20. The Halfling Queen's Smoky Wind - I am DEAD! Hahahaha! This is the best post I've seen all day! I would totally buy all of your books XD

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  21. What fun you must have had pulling out the words and preparing the covers. They are great. Well done.

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  22. Not only is this the most creative take on this week's prompt that I've seen, it's the most creative TTT post I've ever read. You did a fabulous job with it.

    I especially wish I could read Children of Lies and Fury, The Halfling Child Bride of Feast Mountain, and The Halfing Queen's Smoky Wind. Haha.

    Here is our Top Ten Tuesday. Thanks for stopping by earlier!

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  23. First thing I read today--thanks for starting my day with laughter. I think the drinking game book might be packaged with matching shot glasses too. I actually think you could make these into fake covers to sell/give for readers to cover actual books for public viewing--can you imagine the looks and comments people could get? I would buy the dragon one and the smoky wind.

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  24. This was brilliant! And so true. And I would legit read some of those books.

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  25. I had no idea where to go with this week's TTT topic, so I skipped it. But I love what you've done with it! Very creative :) I would totally buy A Court of Dragon Assassins!

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  26. Hahaha this is perfect. I love all the titles.

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  27. Haha, your titles are hilarious! I'm intrigued by A Court of Dragon Assassins! I would definitely read that!

    Have a wonderful week!

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  28. These. Are. GLORIOUS! Raven mist sounded cool until you went there with the visualization...

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  29. Genius! You'll make loads of money! :)

    ...worryingly, this isn't wildly different to the first office job I ever had. I'm not saying we literally came up with magazine titles based on a bunch of key words, but... we totally did. Worst. Job. Ever. I have never had so much satisfaction quitting a job as quitting that one - especially when my big boss tried to take the patronising line of 'you should feel lucky to have a job' and I got to tell him with infinite smugness that I was going to be working for NASA - this wasn't ENTIRELY true, but it was related to the truth and I'd been lying professionally for him for 6 months, so it seemed like a fair exaggeration ;)

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  30. I laughed an unreasonable amount at this list. It is seriously one of the truest and most hilarious things I've read about fantasy books in a long time. Thank you so so so much for getting my day off to a hilarious start.

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  31. I love your sense of humor, AJ. If you only knew how many times, I have read your blog out loud to my husband. You should publish all of these. Honestly, I have seen more ridiculous titles so these could end up being a reality at some point.

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  32. I think 'A clash of cruel goblets' is my favourite, haha - the world needs more books about drinking games :D

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  33. Hahahahaha! This is priceless. πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚

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  34. I love this post, this is fabulous and I like that you included covers for your books! CHILDREN OF LIES AND FURY, sounds creepy... but fun!

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  35. Omigosh, I'm all sore of trying not to laugh out loud - being currently at work that would led to curious looks and some odd questions - I think I've pulled a muscle.

    Your book titles are so cool. The flatulence magic system is... priceless!!!!

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  36. This is absolutely great! I adore all of your titles! It's crazy that fantasy titles are so similar to each other.

    I would preorder your books, for sure. Happy reading!

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  37. You could write them a lot faster than The Winds of Winter too...

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  38. OMG I laughed so much at this!! So much appreciation for The Queen's Smoky Wind...omg

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  39. These sound like legit fantasy titles! I think you cracked the code. Now you can write something that HBO will remake and make a million dollars.

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  40. I'd love to see your spin on Throne of Daughters haha.

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  41. I'm calling it now, 'Magician and the Raven Mist' is going to be an Edgar Allen Poe retelling, I'm sure of it. XD

    Vee @ Under The Mountain

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  42. OMG this is hilarious! And yet, I'd still want to buy some of these if they were real...? Except maybe the flatulence one, but other than that I'm already intrigued ;)

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  43. Hilarious post, you had me in stitches. I love that you designed the book covers for them. I would actually like to read some of these.

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  44. Great post! Children of Lies and Fury sounds like it could actually be a book, one of the ones a big traditional publisher would promote heavily. The others had me giggling. I'm definitely up for A Court of Dragon Assassins!

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