What Are Writing Conferences Really Like?

The first word that comes to mind is “exhausting.” The second is “expensive.” The third is “awesome.”

What is a writing conference, and where can I find one?

A writing conference is an event that is usually put on by a university, a group of universities, or some kind of organization for writers. They usually last about three days and consist of classes, lectures, events, readings, and panels about writing and publishing. These things are often referred to as “sessions.” There are sometimes agents and editors there to hear pitches and do critiques. The best place to find a conference is probably Google. I found conferences in my area by Googling “writing conferences in Colorado.”

Where are conferences usually held?

University campuses, convention centers, and hotels seem to be very common.

I found a conference. How do I know if it’s a good one?

Look at the schedule. There should be a schedule of events and sessions on the conference’s website. If there are a bunch of sessions on the schedule that interest you, then it’s probably a good one. If there are only a few that interest you, then it’s probably not worth the money to attend.

What happens at a conference?

First, you check in and usually get a goodie bag and a name tag. Make sure you get there early because you sometimes have to wait in line to check in. Then, you follow the schedule. There are usually a lot of sessions happening at once, so before you get to the conference, read the schedule and pick which ones you want to attend. You most likely won’t be able to go to everything. Sessions usually last between 30 and 60 minutes each. Be aware that sessions occasionally run over their allotted time, and you might have to rush to your next session. If you have time before or during the conference, it might be helpful to find the rooms where all of your sessions are held so that you don’t make yourself more late by getting lost.

Most of your time will be spent sitting in sessions. Be prepared to sit until your butt is numb. It’s surprising how exhausting it can be to sit and take notes all day. Conferences usually start early in the morning (between 6 and 8 am) and go until the afternoon (between 4 and 7 pm).

What should I bring to the conference?

The schedule, food, water, comfortable clothes, comfortable shoes, a jacket, a way to take notes, medication (for headaches and backaches from uncomfortable chairs), money, and a backpack to carry everything. Bring business cards or bookmarks if you’re a published author with a book to sell.

How much does it cost?    

Some conferences offer a discount to students with a high school or college ID. You can attend those conferences for as little as $15. Some conferences offer scholarships so that you can go for free (if you win the scholarship). You can sometimes save money if you register early. The price often goes up as you get closer to the conference date. Some conferences offer discounts if you are a member of the organization that is sponsoring/hosting the conference. In my experience, most conferences cost between $100 and $400. There are often books for sale, so if you’re a book hoarder like me, bring money for books. Some conferences will feed you, but be prepared to pay extra for it.

Pitches/critiques/workshops/master classes/contests/special events?

Most conferences offer additional experiences that you can pay for, if you’re interested. You could pitch your manuscript to an agent, have it critiqued by an editor, participate in a workshop, attend special classes, enter your writing in a contest, or have dinner with a well-known author. These things usually cost extra. The cost varies a lot, so check the conference website. You probably have to sign up early for these special events because they fill up fast.

Are conferences worth it?

In my experience, yes. You meet a lot of interesting people and learn a lot. It’s like a mini version of going to college for writing, but you don’t have any homework, and it doesn’t take years.

A Lesson In Being Realistic From “The Simpsons’”

First, we’ve just had our 1000^th hit on this blog. I know that some of those are referrer spam, but I’m excited anyway. Thank you for reading.

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One of my favorite episodes of The Simpsons’ is “Diatribe of a Mad Housewife.” In that episode, Homer buys an ambulance, and Marge meets an author named Esmé Delacroix during an author reading at a bookstore. While listening to the reading, Marge decides that she could write a romance novel, even though she’s never attempted to write one before. During the Q&A after the reading, Marge asks Esmé, “If I write a book, will they tell me when it comes out?” Esmé’s response is, “Well, they should.”

Marge missed one of the most difficult steps in the writing process: actually finding someone to publish your work.

For the last few years, I’ve been working as an editor for a literary journal and an anthology. One of the best things that learning to be an editor has taught me is how to be realistic about publishing. It can be insanely difficult to get your work published. I know that new writers hear this all the time, but I don’t think they fully grasp the meaning of “insanely difficult.”

Here’s an example. We finished editing our anthology a few months ago. The anthology received nearly 400 submissions from authors all over the world. Do you know how many of those submissions we’re publishing? Twenty-seven. That’s it. Twenty-seven out of nearly 400. It’s not because we only got twenty-seven good submissions. We received hundreds of good submissions, and we spent a lot of time discussing them before we decided which ones to accept and which ones to reject. We’re publishing those twenty-seven submissions because they’re well-written and represent the theme of the anthology. We had to reject a lot of great submissions because they just didn’t fit with the theme of the anthology.

Over the last few years, I’ve learned that getting your writing published is about talent and luck. Yes, you have to be a good writer, but you also have to find an editor/publisher/company/journal/anthology that’s publishing the kind of stuff that you write. The twenty-seven writers who will be published in our anthology are all extremely talented, but they were also lucky enough to stumble across the submission guidelines for an anthology that was looking for the kind of stuff that they write.

Many rejection letters contain some version of the phrase, “Thank you for submitting, but this piece isn’t what we’re looking for right now.” That’s not a lie or a platitude. Your piece really isn’t what they’re looking for right now. That’s where the “insanely difficult” comes in. It can be hard to know what they’re looking for, even if you’re familiar with the type of work that they publish. All you can really do is submit and hope that you get lucky.

In “Diatribe of a Mad Housewife,” Marge did get lucky. Her novel was published and sold a lot of copies, despite getting horrible reviews. Publishing in real life isn’t quite that simple.     

Pictures From Kentucky

A few weeks ago, I posted that I took some pictures of my trip to Kentucky. Here they are. I spent most of my time on the Spalding University campus, so the pictures are of buildings on or around the campus.

Best Books of June

Here are the best books that I read this month. The reviews are mine; the summaries and covers come from Goodreads.

Fat Kid Rules the World – K.L. Going

Troy Billings is seventeen, 296 pounds, friendless, utterly miserable, and about to step off a New York subway platform in front of an oncoming train. Until he meets Curt MacCrae, an emaciated, semi-homeless, high school dropout guitar genius, the stuff of which Lower East Side punk rock legends are made. Never mind that Troy's dad thinks Curt's a drug addict and Troy's brother thinks Troy's the biggest (literally) loser in Manhattan. Soon, Curt has recruited Troy as his new drummer, even though Troy can't play the drums. Together, Curt and Troy will change the world of punk, and Troy's own life, forever.

Review: The 5 stars are for Curt. He is a fascinating and complicated character. I really appreciate that a drug addict/criminal character is written so complexly. He isn't just a semi-homeless drug addict, he's also a punk rock god, a friend, and a realistic human. He's not a "bad guy" or a cautionary tale. The author just let him be himself. That's awesome.

The book's narrator, seventeen-year-old Troy, is a self-conscious fat kid. He meets semi-homeless Curt while trying to come up with an un-funny way to commit suicide. Curt immediately decides that Troy will be the drummer in a new punk rock band, even though Troy doesn't know how to play the drums.

The book is very well-written and has some funny moments. The characters behave like realistic teens and twenty-somethings. The plot is a little slow, and Troy is not as complex or interesting as Curt, but Curt more than makes up for all of that. The book is worth reading just for him.

Before I Die – Jenny Downham

Tessa has just a few months to live. 

Fighting back against hospital visits, endless tests, drugs with excruciating side-effects, Tessa compiles a list. It's her To Do Before I Die list. And number one is sex. 

Released from the constraints of 'normal' life, Tessa tastes new experiences to make her feel alive while her failing body struggles to keep up. 

Tessa's feelings, her relationships with her father and brother, her estranged mother, her best friend, her new boyfriend, all are painfully crystallized in the precious weeks before Tessa's time finally runs out. 

BEFORE I DIE is a brilliantly-crafted novel, heartbreaking yet astonishingly life-affirming. It will take you to the very edge.

Review: Sixteen-year-old Tessa has decided to stop her treatments for leukemia so that she feels well enough to enjoy her last few months of life. She makes a list of things that she wants to do before she dies, including having sex, doing drugs, committing a crime, becoming famous, and falling in love.

The title tells you how the book ends, but the story is not predictable. Tessa's list is so unusual that you never know what she's going to do next. This book is beautifully written. I especially like the end where reality is mixed with thoughts and Tessa's instructions to her family members. I also like the unconditional love that Tessa's family and boyfriend have for her. She treats them horribly, and they never give up on her.

The author did a great job of showing the complicated emotions that surround death, but the realistic emotions also made it difficult for me to connect with Tessa. In the beginning of the book, she is so angry, and so ungrateful, and so selfish that I disliked her immediately. She does get a little better at the end of the book, but it's not enough for me to like her. I really hate her pessimistic friend, Zoey. The younger brother is inconsistent and often acts much younger than his age.

This book's greatness comes not from the characters but from the effect that the book has on the reader. It makes you think about what you want to do with your life. It makes you grateful for your relationships. It makes you appreciate the everyday things. Most of all, it makes you happy to be alive.

Swamplandia! – Karen Russell

The Bigtree alligator wrestling dynasty is in decline — think Buddenbrooks set in the Florida Everglades — and Swamplandia!, their island home and gator-wrestling theme park, is swiftly being encroached upon by a sophisticated competitor known as the World of Darkness.

Ava, a resourceful but terrified twelve year old, must manage seventy gators and the vast, inscrutable landscape of her own grief. Her mother, Swamplandia!’s legendary headliner, has just died; her sister is having an affair with a ghost called the Dredgeman; her brother has secretly defected to the World of Darkness in a last-ditch effort to keep their sinking family afloat; and her father, Chief Bigtree, is AWOL. To save her family, Ava must journey on her own to a perilous part of the swamp called the Underworld, a harrowing odyssey from which she emerges a true heroine.

Review: A family of alligator wrestlers goes on a quest to save their island theme park and themselves. Chief Bigtree, the father, is delusional about the future of the park. Ossie, the older sister, needs to get to the underworld to marry a ghost. Kiwi, the older brother, is trying to survive on the mainland. Ava, the younger sister, is left alone in the swamp with the creepy Birdman.

This book started weird and ended terrifying. It was definitely a strange story. The setting was one of the most vivid settings I've ever read. The setting had its own backstory. The characters were complex, unusual, and interesting. My favorite character was Kiwi. I loved his horrible name and huge ego. The plot was crazy and unexpected: I didn't see that ending coming. The writing was beautiful and quirky.

My only complaint was the pacing. It felt like it took me forever to get through the book. The story floundered in places and didn't feel like it was going anywhere. I was just reading for Kiwi and the author's amazing writing. Those things weren't really enough to keep me going, and several times I considered putting the book down and reading something else. The ending also felt slightly rushed.

This story makes you think about the murky space between the end of childhood and the beginning of adulthood. I'm glad that I didn't give up on it. Despite its pacing, this was a wonderful, dark, and messy book.

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All The Things = 27 books.

I’m currently reading: Eli the Good by Silas House