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Last week, I talked about the classics I want to read. Now let's talk about the opposite.
I'm no stranger to classics and modern classics. I read a ton of them because I'm on a quest to become the most insufferably pretentious human on the planet. Even though I'm used to classics, there are still a few that scare me. I want to read them. I really do! I just have a feeling they'll suck. No one wants to read stuff that sucks!
Have you read any of these? Tell me they're worth my time. I need the motivation to read them.
Classics That Give Me Cold Sweats
Don Quixote by Miguel De Cervantes
Don Quixote has become so entranced by reading romances of chivalry that he determines to become a knight errant and pursue bold adventures, accompanied by his squire, the cunning Sancho Panza. As they roam the world together, the aging Quixote's fancy leads them wildly astray, tilting at windmills, fighting with friars, and distorting the rural Spanish landscape into a fantasy of impenetrable fortresses and wicked sorcerers. At the same time the relationship between the two men grows in fascinating subtlety.
Why it's scary: I've DNFed it multiple times because it's boring and confusing. Isn't it about a dude who reads a bunch of books and goes insane? I feel like the author is trying to drive me insane. Why is it 1056 pages? Does it ever stop being boring and confusing?
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The Master And Margarita by Mikhail Bulgakov
One spring afternoon, the Devil, trailing fire and chaos in his wake, weaves himself out of the shadows and into Moscow. Mikhail Bulgakov's fantastical, funny, and devastating satire of Soviet life combines two distinct yet interwoven parts, one set in contemporary Moscow, the other in ancient Jerusalem, each brimming with historical, imaginary, frightful, and wonderful characters.
Why it's scary: Do I like Soviet Russia satire? Does anybody like Soviet Russia satire? This book seems like it's smarter than me. My tenth-grade biology teacher told me that my brain is a pea on a 4-lane highway. Most things whiz right past it.
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The Adventures Of Tom Sawyer by Mark Twain
As punishment for skipping school to go swimming, Aunt Polly assigns Tom the chore of whitewashing the fence surrounding the house. In a brilliant scheme, Tom is able to con the neighborhood boys into completing the chore for him, managing to convince them of the joys of whitewashing. At school, Tom is equally as flamboyant, and attracts attention by chasing other boys, yelling, and running around. With his usual antics, Tom attempts to catch the eye of Becky Thatcher, a new girl in town, and persuades her to get "engaged" by kissing him. But their romance collapses when she learns Tom has been "engaged" previously to Amy Lawrence. Shortly after Becky shuns him, he accompanies Huckleberry Finn to the graveyard at night, where they witness the murder of Dr. Robinson.
Why it's scary: Mark Twain's writing style gets on my nerves.
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Doctor Zhivago by Boris Pasternak
First published in Italy in 1957 amid international controversy, Doctor Zhivago is the story of the life and loves of a poet/physician during the turmoil of the Russian Revolution. Taking his family from Moscow to what he hopes will be shelter in the Ural Mountains, Zhivago finds himself instead embroiled in the battle between the Whites and the Reds. Set against this backdrop of cruelty and strife is Zhivago's love for the tender and beautiful Lara, the very embodiment of the pain and chaos of those cataclysmic times.
Why it's scary: Another Russian war book. I'm still traumatized by the months I spent slogging through War And Peace. I feel like Russia owes me an apology.
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Outlander by Diana Gabaldon
The year is 1945. Claire Randall, a former combat nurse, is just back from the war and reunited with her husband on a second honeymoon when she walks through a standing stone in one of the ancient circles that dot the British Isles. Suddenly she is a Sassenach—an “outlander”—in a Scotland torn by war and raiding border clans in the year of Our Lord . . . 1743.
Hurled back in time by forces she cannot understand, Claire is catapulted into the intrigues of lairds and spies that may threaten her life, and shatter her heart. For here James Fraser, a gallant young Scots warrior, shows her a love so absolute that Claire becomes a woman torn between fidelity and desire—and between two vastly different men in two irreconcilable lives.
Why it's scary: An 850-page romance? Ug. I don't know if my cold, dead heart can handle it without turning homicidal.
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Gone With The Wind by Margaret Mitchell
This is the tale of Scarlett O’Hara, the spoiled, manipulative daughter of a wealthy plantation owner, who arrives at young womanhood just in time to see the Civil War forever change her way of life.
Why it's scary: A 950-page romance? With racists? Ug. Why?
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Life And Fate by Vasily Grossman
Life and Fate is an epic tale of a country told through the fate of a single family, the Shaposhnikovs. As the battle of Stalingrad looms, Grossman's characters must work out their destinies in a world torn apart by ideological tyranny and war.
Why it's scary: I'm suspicious of any book that sounds remotely similar to War And Peace. Also, 912 pages!
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Les Misérables by Victor Hugo
Victor Hugo's tale of injustice, heroism and love follows the fortunes of Jean Valjean, an escaped convict determined to put his criminal past behind him. But his attempts to become a respected member of the community are constantly put under threat: by his own conscience, when, owing to a case of mistaken identity, another man is arrested in his place; and by the relentless investigations of the dogged Inspector Javert. It is not simply for himself that Valjean must stay free, however, for he has sworn to protect the baby daughter of Fantine, driven to prostitution by poverty.
Why it's scary: 1232 pages! No book needs to be that many pages! Hopefully the title is referring to the characters and not the readers.
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Tell me why I'm wrong! Why are these books awesome?
I LOVED Outlander - it really does move quickly. Gone With the Wind is also one of my favorites - yes, it has a lot of questionable things, but I try to keep in mind the era in which it was written and also written about.
ReplyDeleteI feel the same way about Outlander, so you’re not alone. :)
ReplyDeleteYeah you might not like them with super negative thoughts. But I liked Gone With the Wind when I read it as a teenager. It's a good soap opera and it's fun to like and be annoyed by the characters and their antics. The book reads quickly. Sure it's very dated now in all sorts of ways but it's worth a read.
ReplyDeleteI haven't read any of these but I really want to read Outlander and all the books in the series, but each book is so very long. I don't do long books. I watched Gone With the Wind and loved it, but again, it's a very long book and those just don't hold my interest. I can't convince you to read them, but I can say Outlander, the TV show, is great and so is GWTW the movie :)
ReplyDeleteGreat list, Aj. I've had many people recommend Outlander to me. Simply haven't had the brainpower or bandwidth to tackle it. Though the Civil War period is a favorite of mine, I've never wanted to read Gone with the Wind. I'd like to try Twain, but would be sad if I were disappointed. Thanks for sharing.
ReplyDeletehttps://thebookconnectionccm.blogspot.com/2025/03/top-ten-tuesday-top-ten-books-i-did-not.html
I read Gone With the Wind shortly after starting my blog. It could easily have been shorter and no one would notice! There are pages and pages of descriptions of the setting. Does the reader really care about the 15 different kinds of plants decorating the hall for a dance? Does the author really need to describe each plant in excessive detail? Or go on and on about how hot and humid it is in Georgia in the middle of the summer? UGH! Can you tell I wish I had that time back?
ReplyDeletePam @ Read! Bake! Create!
https://readbakecreate.com/books-i-dnfed-in-2024/
I read Outlander and had mixed feelings about it. I did love it (but I do love romance) but it took me forever to read and I couldn't bring myself to continue the series afterwards (I just found I do not have the patience for this type of long books anymore :) )
ReplyDeleteUghh...I usually don't like books about wars, so those war books are not for me. Love your topic pick for this week!
ReplyDeleteHere’s my Top Ten Tuesday
Rabbit Ears Book Blog: WORLD’S WEIRDEST BOOK BLOG!
I read Tom Sawyer for school. I liked both Tom Sawyer and Huckleberry Finn. I DNFed Outlander. The dialect was so tedious to read. I couldn't do it.
ReplyDeleteI saw the title and thought, "What books would scare AJ, she reads all kinds of horror." I'll admit being a bit skittish about reading Don Quixote, as I had to translate part of it in the 11th grade. Also, Doctor Zhivago I have thought about reading but haven't thinking it would be hard to be as beautiful as the movie. I enjoy both Twain and Hugo. Jeff, https://fromarockyhillside.com
ReplyDeleteJamie (jannghi.blogspot.com):
ReplyDeleteI just read The Master and Margarita. I've read several of the Outlander books, often one once a year.Not sure if I'll ever attempt some of the others, like Gone With the Wind. Never heard of Life and Fate.
Some day I'm going to try Les Miserables, but it definitely makes me nervous. Then again I've loved several of the adaptations I've seen ...
ReplyDeleteHi AJ - I enjoyed the tv Outlander series ... also the film Dr Zhvigao ... the others you mention - I've certainly thought about reading them ... but have not got there. I understand - there's only so much time ... cheers Hilary
ReplyDeleteI have read a couple of Mark Twain's books back when and I am guessing they might have been abridged versions :) And I did like Gone With the Wind when I read it... while it has questionable elements, it was in sync with the time it was set in. But I do have to read the others and nowadays takes me a while to pick up books with that many pages:)
ReplyDeleteMy post is here
The only one I have read is Gone with the Wind. I liked it as a teenager, but not sure if I would enjoy it now. I need to reread it to see.
ReplyDeleteI am scared about all of these too, mostly for the same reasons. No book needs more than 1k pages to tell the story, none, never, nope. And definitely don't need any 900+ pages of racists, yikes! Honestly classics in general just seem very dry to me. Outlander is one I would consider, though!
ReplyDelete