I’d Love To Read About: Useless Mythical Creatures

Have you ever learned a strange fact or seen an unusual thing and thought, I wish there were more books about that? It happens to me all the time. Authors, if you’re listening, here are five unusual critters that I wish somebody would write about. (Or take inspiration from. I’m not picky!)

We’ve all heard about the awesome mythical creatures. You know, the unicorns, dragons, bigfoots, and vampires. But what about the useless mythical creatures? The ones that look stupid and don’t have any badass talents. Those critters need love, too. Here are five mythical creatures that I think deserve more page time in books.

Useless Mythical Creatures

Wolpertinger

Art source & more info.

This creature is similar to the jackalope in the western US, but Germany kicks their jackalopes up a few notches. The wolpertinger isn’t just a rabbit with antlers. It’s a rabbit with antlers, wings, and fangs. How freakishly adorable! The wolpertinger doesn’t seem to do much. It just hangs out in the forest and fails to look menacing. If you want a wolpertinger of your very own, you have to convince a woman to walk naked through the woods during a full moon. When wolpertingers see boobs, they fall into comas. Then you can collect them like firewood.

Rat King

Art source & more info.

I debated putting this one on the list because rat kings actually exist. They’re just a bunch of normal rats glued together. If rats live in close quarters, and something sticky (like tree sap) gets on their tails, the tails will stick together. In real life, rat kings are much rarer than they are in legends.

According to old European stories, rat kings were an omen of death. I guess that makes sense. A rat king is basically a big ball of sticky, squeaky plague. Still, I can’t imagine that they can move very quickly. If you come across one, meander slowly in the opposite direction. You’ll be fine.

Akaname

Art source & more info.

The Japanese akaname looks like a cross between a human child and a frog. In the middle of the night, it breaks into your house and licks the grime out of your bathtub. When the bathtub scum is gone, it leaves. I guess that’s not too bad. Most people don’t break into your house to lick your bathroom clean. At least the akaname is only after your bathroom scum and not your money and electronics like other burglars.

Kasa-obake

Art source & more info.

Let’s stick with Japan for another minute because they seem to have the weirdest mythical creatures. The kasa-obake is another adorable monster. It’s a hundred-year-old umbrella that’s being possessed by a ghost. If I was a ghost, I’d probably find something scarier than an umbrella to haunt, but whatever. You do you, ghosts. Kasa-obakes usually have one eye and a long tongue. Some have arms and a leg or two. Like the other creatures on this list, it doesn’t really do anything. It just . . . is. 

Bonnacon

Art source & more info.

The bonnacon looks like a bull, but it’s no ordinary bull. That would be boring. Unlike regular bulls, its horns are useless for self-defense, so it has a unique way of protecting itself. Its butt is an acid cannon! As the bonnacon runs away from its attackers, it shoots a huge stream of acid poop behind it, burning its pursuers alive. According to Middle Age legends, the dung could set fire to anything it touched. If you’re ever in Europe or Asia, and you come across a bonnacon, please leave it alone. Becoming a flaming crap torch is a stupid way to die.

What mythical creature do you wish showed up in literature more often?