Top Ten Tuesday: Foods I’d Eat If I Was Fictional

Top Ten Tuesday is a weekly meme hosted by The Broke and the Bookish. This week’s topic is yummy foods mentioned in books. Unfortunately, I don’t read many foodie books, so I’m putting my own spin on the topic. Here’s what I would eat if I was a book character.

Foods I’d Eat If I Was Fictional

1. If I was in a fantasy book, I’d eat the food at Hogwarts. It’s British food, so I don’t know what all of it is, but that wouldn’t stop me from eating it. I’d just wander down the tables and sample everything. (On a related note, do wizards ever eat the magical plants and animals? I want to eat those, too.)

2. If I was in a science fiction book, I’d eat alien food. Who wouldn’t want to eat something from another planet?

3. If I was in a time travel book, I’d go back in time and eat a T-Rex. They’re going to go extinct anyway. Why not eat one while you can?

4. If I was in a road trip book, I’d plan the entire trip around nachos. We’d drive across the country and eat at all the best nacho restaurants. (There must be a ranking of “best nacho restaurants” online somewhere? If not, what is the Internet doing with its life?)

5. If I was in a fluffy contemporary romance novel, I’d date the guy who owns the cupcake shop. He would bake, and I would test the products.

6. If I was in a wilderness survival book, I’d eat anything. I turn into a raving psycho bitch when I’m hungry. No one wants to read about a lonely psycho bitch crying in the woods.

7. If I was hunting a murderer in a thriller novel, I’d argue with my partner about where we should stop for lunch. The murderer would stab us while we’re arguing. As we’re bleeding to death, my last words would be, “This is still better than eating at that sketchy Taco Bell, Kevin!”

8. If I was in a ghost story, I’d eat s’mores. S’mores and ghost stories go together. Also, the campfire might keep the ghosts away. I refuse to be one of those horror movie idiots who fumble around in the dark.

9. If I was in Fifty Shades of Grey, I’d skip all the abusive sex stuff and make Christian Grey buy me a Frrrozen Haute Chocolate at Serendipity 3 Restaurant in New York. According to The Guinness Book of World Records, the Frrrozen Haute Chocolate is the most expensive dessert in the world. It costs $25,000. (Yes, I would feel guilty about spending $25,000 on chocolate, but #YOLO.) 

10. If I was in a book where I lived multiple lives, I’d spend one of them learning how to cook. I’m a terrible cook.

What would you eat if you were fictional?