Thursday, December 13, 2018

Discussion: A Brief List Of Oddities Discovered In The Comments Section



If you run a website, then you know that the comment section occasionally gets . . . odd. Part of my job as a blogger is to sift through the comments and delete anything that’s off-topic or blatantly advertising stupid garbage. Today, I’m going to share a few of the odd comments I’ve come across during my sifting. I’m [redacting] some parts of the comments because I don’t want to promote garbage. I want to laugh at garbage.

(While you’re here: If you like strange blog comments, check out Feed Your Fiction Addiction’s Fun With Spam. I may have stolen this post idea from Nicole. If you like lists of hilarious oddities, check out what’s inside used books, and what’s inside in my email account.)

I'm linking this post up with the 2018 Discussion Challenge, which is hosted by Feed Your Fiction Addiction & It Starts At Midnight.




A Brief List Of Oddities Discovered In The Comments Section








Your info is quite helpful to forever.



This is my main goal as a blogger. I want my info to be helpful to forever. It's good to know that I'm succeeding.







Usually, I never comment on blogs but your article is so convincing that I never stop myself to say something about it you’re doing a great job Man.



Protip for spammers: You can’t say that you “never comment on blogs” and then copy/paste this same comment on 50 of my posts. You are a liar, sir. You comment on blogs way too frequently. I suggest calming down. Back away from the keyboard. Take a walk.







Wow, what amazing information you will share. I think this website is not in English people found it difficult to understand. So people can read this guide for better understanding: [Redacted website that promises to correct my terrible English.]



I know that I occasionally invent words, but my English isn’t that bad, is it? I’m trying my best! Blame the American public school system for my language failures.

I get a lot of comments that subtly insult my blog and then offer to fix it. I wonder if this marketing strategy actually works.







I went into this with low expectations. Honestly, an entire film about adults playing the game of tag? [. . .] I will probably buy this on bluray so I can catch up with what I missed. [Redacted links to websites with pirated films.]



Honestly, coming to my blog with low expectations is probably a smart decision . . . .

Is there actually a movie about adults playing tag? If there is, I never want to watch it. It sounds terrible.







Wow is good to be back with my ex again, thank you Dr. [name redacted] for the help, I just want to let you know that is reading this post in case you are having issues with your lover and is leading to divorce and you don’t want the divorce, Dr. [name redacted] is the answer to your problem. Or you are already divorce and you still want him/her contact Dr. [name redacted] the spell caster. [Redacted phone numbers.]



Um . . . no. Exes are exes for a reason. Magically conjuring exes back into my life is the absolute last thing I need. Nope, no, no thanks. I’m staying far away from this witchy love doctor.







Good news to everyone, my name is [redacted], from Australia, this is how I became a vampire, I always have pains in me and sick all the time, I came across a friend who introduced me how to be one of them, when she gave me this email addresses, I contacted them, ever since now my life is full of joy, I don’t longer have pains in me again, I have lived for 210 years now, I become a vampire whenever I feel like. [Redacted the surprisingly long list of people you have to email to become a vampire. Who knew that vampirism required so much electronic paperwork?]



Okay. I’m glad you “don’t longer have pains in” you, but I never saw being a vampire as a desirable thing. Don’t vampires murder people? And don’t vampires burn to ashes in the Australian sunlight? Those seem like significant downsides to vampirism. Also, the smell of blood makes me gag. I think I’ll hold off on becoming a vampire for now. Thanks anyway.







Have you gotten any weird comments on your website?













43 comments:

  1. How entertaining that person trying to help you with your English seems to not have a firm grasp on the language himself. Maybe he was just trying to phrase it so you could understand... seeing as how your English is so bad.

    And you’re seriously passing up both spellcasters and vampires? Wow. Live a little! 🤣

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Haha, yeah, I’m a boring person. I’m not ready for whatever magical vampire adventure I go on if I contacted those spammers.

      Aj @ Read All The Things!

      Delete
  2. I'm with Tanya on this. How can you Not want to become a vampire - even with the excessive paperwork requirements?!

    Perhaps you can help with this Comment I got from a William this morning: "I cannot feel it really is in which time of the year previously! I must take effect on my own learn set of studying and also blogging and site-building difficulties. I am going (redacted) to make sure you maybe you have outlined!"
    I have absolutely no idea what this guy is on, or on about!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Wow, William does seem to need some serious help. It’s like he’s just typing every word that pops into his head.

      Aj @ Read All The Things!

      Delete
  3. Those are hilarious. I've never gotten comments quite that strange. And I'm a little jealous because I've also never been "helpful to forever". ;D

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Sorry you’re not “helpful to forever.” That really is the ultimate goal of blogging.

      Aj @ Read All The Things!

      Delete
  4. I've gotten #5 before - so strange!

    ReplyDelete
  5. Haha... one of my favorites is "I notice you don't have any new content, let us write some for you." I literally post 6 days a week, I always have new content.

    And I must say that I am very, very intrigued by the Australian vampire.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. YES! I get those emails about my blog and my Instagram. Obviously, the people sending the emails aren’t paying attention. I post a lot.

      Aj @ Read All The Things!

      Delete
  6. I don't generally get that level of weirdo coming to my blog! I do get a lot of #5-the blogger who pastes the same inane and pointless comment on multiple blogs! I can't say I'm sorry to have avoided messages about witch doctors and vampires but I'm offended that I'm not helpful to forever! After all I did for that ungrateful Forever sod!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Forever really does need to be more grateful for all the work we do. Blogging isn't easy!

      Aj @ Read All The Things!

      Delete
  7. I never remember to check my spam folder, but you've reminded me now so here's two of my favourites from my old blog (there's none yet on my new one):

    viagra asli obat viagra viagra original on The Jew of Malta by Christopher Marlowe.

    And -

    Hey, You’ve probably heard that good communication is the cornerstone of every successful marriage. There’s a reason for that – it’s true. Here’s an effective strategy for validating your spouse in every conversation. It will instantly strengthen the bond between you both. Seriously, this is a game changer that will transform your marriage instantly! >> Transform Your Marriage in Minutes << Talk to you soon, Ana on Jude the Obscure by Thomas Hardy.

    I'm not sure if the latter was meant for me or Hardy! :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Well, the characters in Jude did need some help with their marriages. It’s probably a bit too late for them, though . . . .

      Aj @ Read All The Things!

      Delete
  8. And all I ever get is spam about diamonds and increasing my sexual prowess.

    ReplyDelete
  9. How interesting that you get spam about vampires and witch doctors. I never get those. What am I doing wrong?!? I'm actually kind of glad that there's a lot of red tape involved in becoming a vampire---we don't want the option to become TOO popular, do we?

    Nicole @ Feed Your Fiction Addiction

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yeah, the red tape is probably good. If everybody was a vampire, there’d be no blood to drink.

      Aj @ Read All The Things!

      Delete
  10. Love the vampire comment. Akismet seems to block out most of my spam comments... although maybe I should start digging through them for some laughs.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Most of my spam comments get blocked, too, but I have to check my spam folder often because it likes to block comments that aren’t spam.

      Aj @ Read All The Things!

      Delete
  11. OKAY SO READING THIS IN PUBLIC WAS A BAD IDEA. One, because I burst out laughing in the middle of a coffee shop and got no less than 13 weird looks my way. As a bonus, I got one pitying look from the guy working the front of the shop. Two, I can't stop laughing at number one. Vampires love you, obviously. "I become a vampire whenever I feel like." is obviously the new version of "I am become death."

    I rarely look at my spam comments after the time someone wrote a comment on my review of Pretty Little Liars. It was something about creamed corn and some dieting website or diet pills. I was confused.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Haha, sorry about the weird looks. I’ve gotten some diet pill spam, too. None of them have mentioned corn. Too bad. I love corn!

      Aj @ Read All The Things!

      Delete
  12. Oh I love this. I get the weirdest comments and sometimes I just leave them in the spam purgatory because they're humorous to go back and read sometimes. Thanks for making me laugh today with these!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I rarely delete spam. I keep it in a delightful folder of weirdness and bad grammar.

      Aj @ Read All The Things!

      Delete
  13. This is such a great post! I've never kept track of the spam comments I get, but the line "I become a vampire whenever I feel like" is just pure gold to me. According to all the paranormal romance I read since when do you become a vampire at will and then transform back into a human when you feel like it? That'd sure make for an interesting book though! LOL

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I was also confused by that line. This spam comment is not nearly detailed enough. I have so many questions!

      Aj @ Read All The Things!

      Delete
  14. Bwahahahahaha this is so funny! I didn't get these so far and that's sad LOL

    ReplyDelete
  15. I. Am. DEAD. (Not a vampire because I haven't emailed all those people, but alas.) You get some VERY special spam, I am both impressed and horrified hahah. Like okay is it bad that I DO kind of want to watch the tag movie? Because what if the adults all start behaving like overgrown second graders? Here for it! What if they all call their moms and such? Pull hair? I mean, it might not be all bad!

    ReplyDelete
  16. Wow you are awesome! You get so much special spam and your recounting is hilarious. Thanks for sharing! Anne - Books of My Heart

    ReplyDelete
  17. Lol, you can always count on spam for a good laugh. I get some weird ones too, the strangest probably being this one, which a bot tried to post on almost every post in my blog: "Don't wear seat belts lest you drown in you own urine."

    It sounded like some jacked up fortune cookie and I was grateful that my spam filter caught each occurrence so that I could just bulk delete them.

    ReplyDelete
  18. So spam comments are annoying, but these are gems! I would be hard pressed to believe this strategy gets them any kind of business, or even online traffic. I still really appreciate the witch doctor and vampire ones though 😂

    ReplyDelete
  19. Lol the vampire one! I've gotten that one before too. That's a gem.

    ReplyDelete
  20. I love this post! At least your spam is entertaining!

    ReplyDelete
  21. OH my god that last vampire one I laughed so much while reading it hahaha. You do get some very special SPAM haha :)

    ReplyDelete
  22. LOL! Sometimes I'm glad I have a small blog that flies under the radar.
    Deanna Reads Books

    ReplyDelete
  23. Oh my god I'm dying! You need to learn to speak English! And I definitely need that vampire link. XD I used to get really weird emails before I switched to Disqus. Thankfully, spam is way down now! Haha!

    ReplyDelete
  24. 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂 *BREATHES* 😆😆😆😆😆😆😆😆😆😆😆😆😆

    I have only had two "off" comments. One was very early on before my blog was fully functioning and only two friends ever commented, and when I saw someone other than those friends had commented I was beyond excited. However, when I looked, some guy had just copy pasted a bunch of bible verses. 😝

    Then there was the person who said she was going to report me to Blogger for using her blog background. My blog background was a Blogger stock background, ha ha. I guess she thought only one person could use it at a time? I don't know.😆

    ReplyDelete
  25. Here I thought the "I went into this with low expectations" comment was the worst....but the vampire, oh my gosh ROFL! I can't even lol! I need to start looking at ours instead of deleting them. Thank you for the laugh!
    Jen @ Star-Crossed Book Blog

    ReplyDelete
  26. I mean, I guess you know you've really Made It as a blogger when you get massive amounts of spam comments? LOL I don't get any spam comments, so I must not be big enough to attract that spammer traffic. ;) Oh shucks! I can only aspire to someday have a post like this, lmao. Thanks for sharing!!

    ReplyDelete
  27. Oh lord AJ, your comment makes this hysterical. I love this list. I know I have gotten spam but haven't saved them to make a post like this. I will have to start doing so. Just to darn funny.

    Mary

    ReplyDelete